Feelings
Sadness may sit alongside numbness, anger, guilt, anxiety, relief or moments that feel unexpectedly ordinary. Contradictory feelings are common.
Grief & bereavement
Grief has no tidy order.
You do not have to grieve in the right way. There is no right way.
Loss can affect thoughts, sleep, relationships and the smallest everyday tasks. This page offers general guidance and trusted places to find more support.
There is no single pattern
Grief can change from hour to hour.
Grief is a natural response to losing someone important. It is not a straight path through a fixed set of stages, and it does not arrive in the same order or at the same intensity for everyone.
Some days may feel overwhelmingly painful. On others you might laugh, work, feel calm or notice very little at all. Those moments do not mean you have forgotten the person or cared any less.
Anniversaries, familiar places, music and ordinary routines can bring feelings back without warning. Over time, grief often changes shape rather than simply ending.
What grief can feel like
More than sadness.
Your body
Grief can be exhausting. Sleep, appetite and energy may change, and stress can show up physically as tension, restlessness or feeling unwell.
Thoughts
Concentration can disappear. You may forget simple things, replay events, expect the person to walk into a room or struggle to make decisions.
Relationships
You may want company one day and quiet the next. People in the same family can grieve very differently without either response being wrong.
For today, not forever
Make the next step smaller.
These ideas will not remove grief. They may make a demanding day slightly easier to carry.
- Reduce the day to the next manageable thing rather than trying to solve everything
- Write down appointments, names and questions when concentration is difficult
- Keep food, water, medication and rest as simple and regular as you can
- Accept specific practical help, such as a meal, a lift or one phone call
- Delay major decisions where possible until the first pressure has eased
- Speak to your GP about physical symptoms or concerns rather than assuming they are grief
Supporting someone who is grieving
Presence matters more than perfect words.
Say their name
You do not need perfect words. Acknowledge who died and let the bereaved person decide whether they want to talk.
Offer something specific
“I can bring dinner on Thursday” is easier to answer than “Let me know if you need anything.”
Keep showing up
Support often becomes quieter after the funeral. A message weeks or months later can matter enormously.
Listen without fixing
Grief is not a problem to solve or a timetable to enforce. Make room for repetition, silence and difficult feelings.
Children and grief
Honest words help children feel safe.
- Use clear, age-appropriate language and avoid phrases such as “gone to sleep” that may cause confusion
- Expect children to move in and out of grief, sometimes returning to play very quickly
- Let questions be asked more than once and answer honestly when you do not know
- Keep familiar routines where possible and tell their school or childcare setting what has happened
- Offer choices about attending or taking part in a funeral, without making a child responsible for adult feelings
Read the NHS guidance on children and bereavement for more age-specific support.
When to seek more support
You do not need to wait until things feel unbearable.
Consider speaking to your GP if you are struggling to cope with stress, anxiety or low mood, if a low mood has lasted more than two weeks, if things you are trying are not helping, or if grief is making everyday life increasingly difficult.
Intense grief can last a long time, but feelings that remain overwhelming, feel completely stuck or prevent a return to everyday activities may need specialist assessment and support.
This page provides general information, not diagnosis or medical advice. See the NHS grief and bereavement guidance or speak to a qualified healthcare professional about your circumstances.
Trusted UK support
Someone is available to listen.
Cruse
Free emotional support from trained bereavement volunteers for anyone in the UK affected by grief.
0808 808 1677Samaritans
Free, confidential listening support at any time, day or night, across the UK and Ireland.
116 123Urgent help
If someone's life is at risk or you cannot keep yourself or someone else safe, call 999 or go to A&E now.
Call 999When you are ready to talk about the ceremony.
Our celebrants will listen and help you take one decision at a time.